Yesterday was Rumi's poem about the Unexpected Visitor. Today, a bit of a different message/vibration showed up… in the form of the Rolling Stones:
I would like to substitute the word TRY for PRAY.
If you Pray sometime… you will often get what you need.
Looking back on my adventures in bodily fluids yesterday, one thing is as clear as a bell to me today. I most definitely did not get what I wanted, but I did get exactly what I needed (and prayed for). Let me explain...
I have been doing a lot of reading over the past few months on the importance of the parent-child attachment relationship. I have danced on the line between fear and perspective/self-compassion as I explored both of my primary attachment relationships (that with my own mother and that with my son). It has been a painful, beautiful, insightful, fascinating and interesting journey so far. It has brought forward (in a very loud way) the idea of ancestral karma or lineage, and I have been shown how this is a very real phenomenon and how it is directly impacting me today.
Anyway, to make a long story short, my attachment relationship with Chephren isn't as solid as I feel it could be. This is due to the fact that I had pretty severe and poorly managed pre and postpartum depression, high, high anxiety and now, owing to a divorce, I only see him half of the time. All in all, he seems to be doing well, however I knew in my heart that we could be closer and more connected. I also know that this is the most important thing that I need to focus on as his mom.
Now that he is getting a bit older, this hasn't been quite as easy as I'd hoped. He is more resistant to physical connection and less open to talking with me. So, I have been praying for guidance and support in redeveloping this connection, and trusting that I will be able to do so.
Yesterday's flu bug turned out to be an answer to my prayers. We emerged from the ordeal closer than we have been in months and today (he is home from school), we got to have the day that I had hoped to have yesterday. So far we have played cards, watched a movie, played games, did an art project and hopefully next we'll make some cookies. Over the past two days we have had a lot of interesting conversation and cuddles, and I feel closer to him than ever.
The Universe is funny, isn't it?
Cheph and I made some prayer flags for his room today and imbued them with our prayers and intentions in a little ceremony. It is my intention that they serve as a totem… a living reminder to connect with each other, and to connect with something greater than ourselves when we really do need something.
May you get exactly what it is that you need.