The task that is in the way of your task IS the task.

“Say what?”

I heard this quote on one of my favourite podcasts out of the mouth of one of my favourite people.

I am in my vehicle a lot these days, like, a lot (A LOT) and for the past few years I have taken to becoming a voracious consumer of audible content. I read 60+ books last year (some with my eyes balls too, don’t worry), and it would have been even a lot more if I hadn’t discovered podcasts…specifically Tim Ferriss’ (see link above). 

To say that I binged Tim’s work for about the past 6 months would actually be an understatement. Let’s just say that “I went deep” with Tim.

Anyway, this past week, on yet another winter day on the open road, I heard Dr. Gabor Mate speak the above quote (also see above link for more info on him).

The task that is in the way of your task IS the task.

And I felt like pulling over to the side of the road and bawling. 

I resisted (this time), as I was on a tight timeline for my job, however my “system” these days is to have a notepad and pencil next to me in the console and I write stuff like that down (don’t judge me). 

The task that is in the way of your task IS the task.

I have been driving around with these words all week.

YES.

These words have set some new part of me free.

You see, I have experienced a lot of resistance over the past 4 years. Choosing to leave my marriage necessitated me finding “work” and what I ended up doing was finding more (and more and more) contracts relating to what I’m doing now (and what I have Graduate School training in  which is teaching kids with vision loss, well, actually consulting to their school teams). Hence, I find myself driving all over the Province nearly every day while I attempt to manage my caseload of 60 students.

Before this current iteration of my life, I was almost exclusively teaching yoga, teaching retreats, writing a blog, giving talks about my book and managing a small caseload of coaching clients.

I hadn’t quite “made it” with all of that work (which I felt at the time was my true and only passion/talent), and when I needed to come up with more $$ to live on and the consulting work literally started knocking at my door, it felt impossible (and stupid) to say no.

On the one hand, I am deeply grateful to this work. It has allowed me to earn a good living for myself and my son since I left my marriage. I am truly able to support myself on my own and this feels like a giant accomplishment (especially considering that my greatest fear on the other side of the separation was exactly that: How will I ever support myself?! I can’t tell you how many hours of coaching/therapy it took to finally clean up that giant monstrosity of a belief system! Ok, fine, I am likely still working on it, but in my defence I think it is a collective wound of women in our society, so I'm trying to work on my tiny percent of that ok?!)

Anyway, ever since I have taken those contracts my work in the field of visual impairment has only grown.. and I found myself grieving over and over and over what I felt was my “true life’s purpose”.

Now, you might be picking up on the fact that I’m using past tense here… and that’s because of the QUOTE.

The task that is in the way of your task IS the task.

Has it sunk in yet?

What if, just maybe, this consulting gig isn’t actually in the way?. What if it IS THE WAY?!

And what if I got out of the way and quit resisting that?

Ok, truth: this is not the very first time that this has occurred to me... I have definitely circled around to this idea/thought quite a few times before. 

BUT, what is different is that another small part of me has let go of the fight/resistance. 

The other thing that has changed is that, since I absolutely DO NOT have the time/energy/focus to do alllllllll of those other things I used to do (I still do some of them on a very part time basis), maybe I need to just pick one and go after it. What if I put as much time/energy/focus onto just that ONE thing as my “side bar” passion, and if so, which one would that be?

This question has been vortexing around inside of me for four years… coaching, shamanism, writing, yoga, speaking… rinse and repeat.

What I can say is that right now it is writing, and maybe it has always been writing. I am a published author (which I've wanted to be since I was 5), I currently have another book on the go, and I am resurrecting this blog (and the dust is thick as I mentioned in the last post). 

A very wise person once told me that when the Universe gives you energy to move on something, MOVE.

I literally laid in bed awake last night writing blogs in my head.

Hopefully, this is the first of many. And no, I am no totally certain exactly what this is going to evolve into, but for right now, that’s a-ok.